#PETS | Thinking of a family pet? Make sure you make the right choice!

A pet can be a wonderful addition to a household, but it’s important to choose one that’s right for your family. Here are some tips for making a winning choice:

• Pets eventually grow old and die, causing your children great emotional trauma. Be sure to only choose pets which will outlive them, such as the giant Pacific sea tortoise.

• Pets soiling the carpet in your house will only be a problem if you have carpet, so cover your floor with dirt.

• Pets are loving, trusting creatures. Do not treat them with the same cruelty and neglect you do your children.

• Only choose a pet you are reasonably confident you can defeat in hand-to-hand struggle, in case of food-chain-hierarchy disputes.

• For those parents concerned about the added expense a pet brings, remember: Many pets and children may be fed to one another.

• Pet ownership is a great way to teach children about the entire cycle of life, from the miracle of birth to the inevitability of death. Goldfish can teach these important lessons in about three days.

• Remember, pets need regular food, exercise, love, and attention. You probably should not be allowed to own one.